


why does that something always seem to be you?

by Drowned_in_Feels



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Episode: s15e03 The Rupture, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Hurt, POV Alternating, Post-Break Up, Realization, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, i'm gonna fix the mess that the writers made, not technically destiel but let's just say it's as canon as it is on the show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 20:14:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21203420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drowned_in_Feels/pseuds/Drowned_in_Feels
Summary: In which Dean realises that he's been acting like a massive jerk towards Cas and that it's his fault that Cas walked away. Cas tries to move on but he still feels hurt from Dean's behaviour.





	why does that something always seem to be you?

**Author's Note:**

> written spontaneously because I'm upset

**Dean**

Dean was sat at the table in the bunker, his glass of whisky sitting abandoned in front of him. Sam was still in his room. Dean was lost in thought, Castiel's words echoing through his mind.

“_I think it's time for me to move on.” _The words were mocking him, taunting him. How did it come to this? He had lost Cas. How did he let that happen?

The problem was, the more he thought about it, the more he turned Castiel's words over in his head, he was slowly starting to come to the realisation that it might have been his own fault.

“_You used to trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt. Now you can barely look at me.” _It was true, Dean had hardly looked at Cas in the last couple of weeks, ever since his mum had died. But it was because he was angry, he was grieving, of course he wasn't being himself.

“_You still blame me for Mary.” _Yes, he did. After all, Cas should have warned him about the state of Jack's soul! But the way Cas had said these words had struck a chord with Dean. He stopped and thought about it. How should Cas even have predicted what Jack was going to do? Maybe Dean was just angry and looking for an outlet. And he needed somebody to blame. But that was the point, wasn't it? The blame. Why did he even need somebody to blame? Maybe it wasn't anybody's fault at all. Maybe things just didn't go well because they never do. And the reason things never went well was Chuck, and not Cas.

And of course, he was mad at Chuck. He had every right to be! But did he have the right to take it out on Cas?

“_I'm dead to you.”_ Now, Dean had to admit that these words might have been a little harsh when he had said them originally. But how should he have known that Cas was going to take them so seriously? And that he would remember them?

Dean shook his head and leaned back in his chair. He really messed up, didn't he? He had lost his mom, Jack, Rowena and now he had driven Cas away as well. They were supposed to be friends, damnit, but he realised he hadn't been behaving like a good friend lately.

Was this how his story was supposed to end? Everyone he cared about was dead, except for Sam, and the only person he loved that was still alive had left him because he had been a jerk to him. This wasn't how you're meant to treat your family. And after all, Cas was still family.

“_I've tried to talk to you, over and over, and you just don't want to hear it. You don't care.” _Dean could blame Cas for everything that had gone wrong in his life all day long but he couldn't deny that Cas was right. Cas knew how Dean was feeling about his mum and Jack and he tried to talk to him about it but Dean had shut him down, again and again. He had been so absorbed in his anger that he didn't stop to try and see how Cas was doing. Obviously, Cas was grieving as well. And what did Dean do to help him? Blame him for it all. Dean was starting to think that if somebody would have treated him the way that he had been treating Cas, he would have probably left as well.

“_You and Sam have each other.”_ Yes, but Cas was a part of this family too. And he didn't like the thought of him leaving Dean forever at all. Dean knew now that he had messed up. He had blamed Cas for everything, even though it wasn't his fault. He had driven him away by refusing to listen to him. He had been a huge dick and now he was seeing the results of it.

“_I think it's time for me to move on.” _No. Not as long as Dean still had a say in that. He wanted Castiel back. And he would do everything in his powers to have Cas forgive him.

Dean reached for his cell phone and called Castiel's number.

**Castiel**

Cas was on his way to heaven's gate. Since the Winchesters clearly didn't need him anymore, he now had the time to take care of the problems there.

He didn't even know how many angels were left in heaven. Given how weak his powers were getting, he assumed not many. After all, heaven was powered by angels. Whenever angels died, heaven got weaker and with it, all living angels. If the remaining angels were feeling as weak as he was, they would need all the help they could get to get heaven back on its feet.

Cas wasn't sure if the other angels would take him back, though. He had abandoned them, chosen humanity over them and had been personally involved in all the problems that heaven had had in the last couple of years. He felt that it was at least partially his fault that heaven was as weak as it was now.

He didn't even really want to go to heaven. The place had stopped being his home a long time ago. But where else should he go? Without Sam and Dean, he had no home, no family, no purpose. So, heaven it was.

Cas was still thinking about his conversation with Dean in the bunker. Had he made the right decision to just walk out like that? What if they needed him?

No, Cas reminded himself, they didn't need him anymore. Dean had made that abundantly clear. They didn't need him, didn't care about him, didn't love him. He had spent too much time already excusing Dean's behaviour and it was obvious now that Dean wouldn't change the way he treated him. It was better for everyone involved if he just walked away. So that's what he did.

But still, Castiel's heart ached for the Winchesters. In the last years, they had fundamentally changed Castiel's life and it seemed impossible to go back to a life without them.

To be fair, Cas was thousands of years old. The time he had spent with Sam and Dean represented only a tiny fraction of his whole lifespan but it seemed like his life had only truly begun when he had met them for the first time. And now, to live on without them, what was he supposed to do? Go back to serving heaven? What even was heaven anymore?

It seemed that he had no other choice. Well, Dean hadn't left him with another choice. There was only so much Cas could handle and Dean had really stretched the limits of how much bad treatment Cas could take. Dean didn't want him in the bunker, so he left.

Castiel felt hurt, more than he had ever felt in his life. He had sacrificed everything for the Winchesters, over and over again. And how did they thank him? Not at all. They had been taking him for granted for so long. And Cas had given everything for them and now, he had had enough.

It made him sad to remember that they once considered each other family and that it had to end like this. But there was nothing he could do about it. He had tried talking to them, to no avail, so this was the only solution.

Cas told himself to stop thinking about them. This was the end of a chapter in his life. But it was just that, one chapter in his very long life. He tried to convince himself that he would find new friends, a new family, that would appreciate him but his hopes weren't very high.

He told himself to forget the Winchesters, to move on. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This was for the better. He didn't need them. They didn't need him. Their relationship had to end sooner or later anyway. They were better off without each other. Cas put a mental close on their joined story. This was it. He was moving on.

Then, Castiel's cell phone started to ring.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Please, leave some feedback. :) <3


End file.
